June.. the month of many special days but one of the most important to me this year is Father's Day. Growing up I always knew my Dad was a great father. There was never a special occasion, athletic event or any other day that my Dad wasn't readily available to us and there to support us. We may not have lived with him in the same home all those years but we knew he was only a phone call away or a short car ride over if we did need him. For example..the many times I forgot to set my TV to record Days of Our Lives..one phone call and my Dad was on his way to set my VCR plus recording. Or the countless times I forgot my glasses in high school and was forbidden in center field or up to bat if I wasn't wearing them..he came to the rescue with those ugly green glasses. He's the go to guy that you want on the other end of the phone. Always.there.
I had a day in February that I got excellent news, February 14th to be exact. I had learned that morning via email that I had passed my Master's comprehensive exam..the dreaded 3 day exam I had taken weeks before and needed to pass in order to finally graduate. I called my dad on my way in to work and shared the news..he was just as happy as I was. That day was just a fabulous day, not because it was Valentine's Day..but because things were just finally looking up for me and Alex.
That night the mood of the day shifted. While out for dinner, my Dad called. I walked outside of the restaurant to take his call and will forever remember it. He prefaced the conversation with "Listen. I have to tell you something and I don't want you to be upset. Ok? Don't get upset." Ugh. My mind raced. What could he be telling me right now, and how can I keep my emotions in check when I have no idea what he is about to lay out. He went on to tell me that he was at Lowell General Hospital and that they did a biopsy that morning on him..and they found cancer in his throat and tongue. "But don't get upset, everything will be fine."
Cancer. The god awful word you never want to be faced with. In true fashion, my Dad went on to tell me things in an effort to calm my fears.. chuckling: "I'm OK, I just ate a Quarter Pounder from McDonald's." "I feel fine." "Just don't worry and don't cry." "The Dr seems to think it's very curable." The crying was inevitable..it was just a blow to the gut that I wasn't expecting. But really, do we ever expect or want this type of news?
I let the news sink in and I'm not going to lie..it scared the daylights out of me. My Dad is my rock. Ironically, I had been talking to my Mom on the way in to work that morning and she was mentioning how much she missed her own mother and felt guilty about not mourning her father as badly as she did her mom. My exact words to her were: "I don't know what I'd do if I lost you mom..and I really can't even fathom losing Dad either". It's life.. I know it. I have since had the same talk with my Dad since February and he's laid it out there..there is nothing we can do about death..it happens and we will survive. It still doesn't make it any easier.
That night I went home and as word started to spread within our immediate family, it became more real. I'd like to say I took the news the way my Dad wanted me to and I didn't get upset or cry.. but I cried like a baby. As I sat alone in my bedroom it all came out especially when I thought about the worst case scenario of this ugly disease.
I talked to my dad a few more times that night and the conversation that I will never forget is what makes my Dad who he is. I started to cry and again, he told me not to cry because everything was going to be OK..my response was: "It's been a day with the highest of highs and the lowest of lows". As he always is..he remained upbeat at that moment and turned it on his daughter's accomplishment and said "I know, but I'm so proud of you for passing your exam"..it wasn't the exam that was the high.."I found out today..I'm pregnant, Dad." He could not have been happier..and I could hear how excited he was in his voice. He never agreed with me, which he could have and said "ya i know, cancer sucks and this sucks." Instead, he chose to focus on the positive things the day brought and not the diagnosis that just rocked his and our world.
Of the course of the next few months there were Dr appointments and a surgery and chemo and radiation. Again, he never bitched about it (outwardly anyhow)..his goal was to get the treatments done and put this behind him. Sure, he didn't like the feeding tube they put in just in case he stopped eating, or the fact that he lost his taste buds or the dreaded hose they put down his nose and he swatted out. His focus was getting better and getting to our family vacation in August. He has not let cancer get in the way of the things he enjoys most..time with his family, time at the race track or time shooting craps at Foxwoods. Just days after finishing his treatments he sat for hours at my graduation. He's one tough guy!
A friend texted me in April asking how he was doing and how treatments were going..and I was happy to write back that he was handling his treatments well, even doubling up radiation treatments to get done faster and while he lost weight he was still looking good..and he never did lose much of that full head of hair he has. While I wrote about his progress with a smile on my face it hit me when I finished the sentence.. "I'm proud of him". I truly am proud of the person that he is. Again, I have always thought of my Dad as a super dad..there is nothing that he wouldn't do for his kids and his family and for anyone else for that matter. Nothing. But, it's the way he handled his diagnosis and battled through the treatments, the way he worried about everyone else and how we reacted to the news that makes him the man that he is. He's one heck of a role model, not only for his own children but his grandchildren as well. I'm just so proud to call him Dad and I hope he knows on Father's Day and every other day he's the most amazing man I know.
